Every time I think I'm over it
the fear bites me in the ass.
I've grown accustomed to the uncertainty
like a child, once terrified of her own shadow
now walks without so much as
a glance towards the pavement.
But the simplest things others take for granted--
the things that bring other people joy--
like
weighing myself on a scale
or
massaging a crick in my neck
can bring my life to a standstill
while I breathe in and out
and mentally run a scan of my body.
Is that weight loss because I've been working out?
Or is the cancer back?
Is that just a knot of tension?
Or is the cancer back?
Am I tired because I went to work today?
Or is the cancer back?
Is it harder to breathe because I took a rest day from running?
Or is the cancer back?
